When and How to Use “I” Statements as a Family Caregiver

By Marlene Diaz | February 10, 2017 |

Elderly Care Federal Way WA

Being a family caregiver often means that you’re in talks with other family members and even your elderly loved one about topics that can seem frustrating and difficult. There are ways to have these conversations that make them more difficult, but there are other methods that can make them easier to handle, such as using “I” statements.

When You Need “I” Statements

You really can use “I” statements at any time, but you’ll find them most helpful when you’re feeling upset, angry, or defensive. “I” statements take the blame away from the situation. If you use “you” statements, you’re more likely to contribute to the feelings of blame and defensiveness. Avoiding that kind of challenge keeps the conversation on an even keel, even when you’re talking about inflammatory topics.

Listen First to What Is Being Said

In order to use “I” statements well, you have to listen to what is being said in the rest of the conversation. If you’re concentrating on how to respond or what you’re going to say next, you’re going to miss the finer nuances of what else is being said in the conversation. Refrain from breaking in or trying to respond too quickly.

Talk about the Behavior or the Activity

When it is your turn to talk, share your feelings using “I” statements to talk about the activity, behavior, or topic at hand. If you’re talking about the person, by saying things such as, “You make me so angry when you…” then you’re going to amp up the defensiveness overall. Instead, rephrase it so that the statement is less defensive. “I get frustrated when…” is a better way to start.

State What You Need

The other important aspect of using “I” statements is to share how you’re affected by what is going on and what you need to happen next. You might share more of your feelings and then accompany that with a solution to the problem that would benefit all parties, if possible. Otherwise, a compromise can help you and the person you’re talking with to both feel as if you’ve been heard and understood. Sometimes that can be even more important than a resolution.

Practice using “I” statements in all of the different areas of your life, not just as a caregiver. They’ll help you communicate effectively.

If you or an aging loved one are considering Elderly Care Services in Federal Way WA, contact the caring staff at Hospitality Home Care today. Call us at (206) 966-6552.

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Marlene Diaz

Care Supervisor at Hospitality Home Care

Marlene brings to Hospitality Home Care's Care Supervisor Team an unprecedented level of passion for caring for others and a wealth of knowledge and understanding in the care services field. Marlene has worked in the healthcare field for more than 15 years in a variety of settings including, adult family home administration, home care HR supervising and working with specialty populations including dementia, mental health and developmental disabilities. Throughout this time Marlene has also maintained her caregiver credentials that she obtained as a teenager because, while her knowledge is best served helping to train caregivers and assist families to get the care they need, her heart is most fulfilled when she is providing care to others. When she is not in the office, you will most likely find Marlene caring for her family, or spending time with her friends.